i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
God gave him joint rollers for hands
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
