I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
