I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
