I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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