The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
