Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
