Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
