i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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