dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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