Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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