i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
