Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
