from now on my penis is your penis
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
