I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
