ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
