3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
