Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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