Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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