Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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