She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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