Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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