I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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