just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
