I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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