Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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