please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
