Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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