if i can run in heels then i can drive
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
