So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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