Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
