i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
