how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
