FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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