1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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