We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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