I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
