After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
