can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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