I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
