He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize