She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
