the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
