after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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