Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
