Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my liver is dry heaving
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
