Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
