I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
