Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The Olympian is in my bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
