Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
