I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
