I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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