I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This baby is an asshole
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
