I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Barsexuality is the new black.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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