Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
