Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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