he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
