I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
