I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I won the penis lottery.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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