I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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