The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
