Porn is love you can see.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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