Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
