great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
