youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
PANTIES FOUND
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