you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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