i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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