On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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