i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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