My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
